In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
