Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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