I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
