help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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