Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
