false alarm. still invincible.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love having hate sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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