I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
