Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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