im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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