I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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