So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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