we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
