i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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