Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
