I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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