Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
