The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
