At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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