You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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