Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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