Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
