I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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