making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
