She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
