I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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