I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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