were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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