Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
