Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
