11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
