When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
