Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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