one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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