he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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