miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
