You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
