I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
