I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
