They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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