i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
