I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
