I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
