the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
