You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
