I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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