It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
