I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
