my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
