i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
