i just had sex bonerless
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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